Bloody hormones.

Hey, So it's not stopped raining for a week I don't think!!

The hormones have been driving me crazy this past week to ten days. Up and down like a yo-yo. Yesterday, I was completely najjy, really really irritable and short tempered. I hate myself like that. SO god knows how anyone puts up with me!!

On a brighter note my friend Sandhy is awake and has been transferred to a ward. That woman is phenomenal. A tour de force!! Her chest is still in a bad way but hopefully she'll have the strength to get through that too but it's going to be really hard work for her. I'll be thinking of her every day. Not that that will help in any way but there's not a lot else I can do really.


One thing that has been in the forefront of my mind recently regarding mental ill health issues and my friends going through a tough time is the fact that people get in touch, every now and again to say 'hi' or 'how you doing? And then you reply 'ok' or 'not so bad' or 'terrible', for example. Then you get nothing in return at all. The Time to Change programme is all for sending a message, a post card, or a text to see how your buddy is doing but then it has to be followed through? Surely?

If your friend doesn't answer or doesn't say 'yeah I'm great thanks' then the text, message, whatever needs following up and especially when the person suffering texts back then answer, saying 'great, good for you' or 'oh no, so sorry to hear that' you kind of get the drift? Don't just leave it hanging. It will make the person receiving the messages feel worse! On the other side, if you are the one suffering, then be careful who you engage with. Engage with the ones you know will send the message in genuine care for you and are truly looking out for you. Even if it's just an exchange of 2 or 3 texts or a 10 minute call.
Having someone ask you how you are as they know you aren't well then not bothering to continue the conversation is hurtful and could catch you at a very vulnerable moment. It could be the straw that breaks the camels back.

Hypnotherapy and acupuncture.

The hypnotherapy worked a treat with saying goodbye to my Mum. It was very distressing but it took away that awful feeling in my solar plexus. It's been a while since I blogged on here as I got better and ran amock for a few months then all hell broke loose and crashed a bit. Kept going a bit and now I'm on my way up from a down again!

I asked my husband to leave and he left in May 2012 then we had a custody battle and I lost out as I work shifts so see very little of my daughter now. I had to specify when I could have her and I couldn't say too many nights a week as I couldn't commit to it with work. My ex won't work with me either on it but that's because I change my mind all the time and am a pain in the arse! Probably for the best anyway as I feel I can't control her behaviour when I do have her and havent the energy or the strength to get her to do the things I want her to do. For which I'm seeing a relationship councellor for. He's very good! Not coming to terms with not being able to be the Mum I want to be is hard work and having the ex's girlfriend looking after my daughter the is soul destroying.


Anyway, I'm told not to be a victim anymore and stop feeling sorry for myself. With regards to my mental health, my wonderful acupuncturist is insisting I keep well and keep seeing her to keep well. It's usually a financial thing that stops me going because when I feel well I can't justify the cost. But I will keep going as the last year or so alone has been so hard on me. Oops sorry self pity again! I was feeling empty and numb for a long time and I couldn't bare being awake most of the time so I had the crazy idea of coming off my antidepressants!

I tried and failed as the side effects were horrendous. So I've halved it now and subsequently halfed my mood stabilisers too or I end up comatosed! The great thing is I have energy and now 'feel' stuff, which is ace and also manage to go to the loo which is also great as that was a major problem. I know TMI but honestly, it was awful. I've put on a huge amount of weight too and my mood stabilisers get blamed for that as they increase your appetite. But when I met my new partner we started to eat out a lot, which gave me terrible tummy ache due to sluggish bowel and then I had even less energy to exercise (I haven't been biking in a while). I've just started going out with the dog and going for longer and longer walks as my energy levels increase.

But the thought of getting on a bike is too much at the moment. Plus none of my cycling clothes fit me as I've put so much weight on. If I had the money I would do allsorts to keep my health on track but one of the things I really need to do is change my job and get off ridiculous shifts!

I am now tot