When I became a mother, I never in a million years would have predicted that she would end up living with her father and his girlfriend with me as an onlooker.
Although for years I had wished myself out of the marriage and for my daughters father to start taking some responsibility, I didn’t anticipate what would happen. Her father wasn’t massively hands-on and did things to please himself, I guess like most fathers or at least the fathers I know. My daughter and I were together 24/7 except for when I was at work or asleep.
I did find it difficult being a mum, I didn’t take to it like a duck to water and struggled with health issues and lack of sleep, especially when I started working nights. I wasn’t the earth mum I thought I was going to and I was disappointed. I had no support and felt I should just battle on alone anyway.
I suffered a lot with my moods and negativity and depression for various reasons so I was no angel to live with but I did the best I could. Things deteriorated when our relationship broke down and I was living alone. My daughter never behaved for me and I struggled to get her to stay in bed, sleep on her own and just generally get things done. She could play me like a fiddle.
My ex and I were arguing about when we would have her and as I worked shifts I could only have her on my nights off. I worked a mixture of long days and nights so if I worked 2 longs days a week that would mean not having her 4 nights wrapped around those days. My ex and his girlfriend wanted continuity as well, something I couldn’t offer. He threatened me with social services and court if I didn’t comply to his requests. Requests fuelled by his girlfriends demands to have every other weekend off totally from child care. Something I could never do as I couldn’t dictate my shifts and worked at least one day most weekends.
Anyway, without all the boring gory details we went to court. I was exhausted from all the constant badgering and arguing and I didn’t have a solicitor. My ex had the most vicious solicitor ever and ultimately I lost out. I signed an agreement saying I would have my daughter every Wednesday and every other weekend. Four nights a fortnight. It took me a while to realise what I had done. Needless to say I was devastated.
Nearly 2 years later things have changed and the I know the decision was a good one for my daughter. She has a regular routine, a ‘step mum’ she loves and a good bond with her dad. However, it’s taken its toll on me. I have just about come to terms with it, just shy of 2 years later and am on a massive learning curve with regards to my life, my health and my future.
In my pursuit for peace I have come across many things but one that really struck a cord was chakra healing with Carol Tuttle. In one of her videos regarding the root chakra, she talks about a lady who asked her what to do about her relationship with her son who now had a step mum and seemed distant from her and the relationship between her son and his step mum seemed to be very close.
Carol told the lady that as parents we leave footprints in our child’s lives that will always be there and that the step mum was filling these foot prints with her own and overshadowing the mum’s roll in her child’s life.
She suggested that the mum visualise claiming the foot prints back by pushing the step mum off the prints and asking her to step out the role that was only hers. She also told the lady to imagine a thread between herself and her son that connected their energy, and also to send him love even when she wasn’t with him.
Now, for some this may sound too far out and touchy feely but for me it was like a ray of sunshine. The lady reported back to Carol after a few weeks and remarked on a dramatic improvement in the relationship she had with her son, that he had been ringing her more and seeing her more. It worked for me too. I decided to change the energy between myself and my daughter and instead of sulking because she didn’t seem to want me, I sent out love and positive energy to her. I used to push my daughter away hoping, stupidly, she would ask to see me. It was a terrible way to behave but I was really hurting, still no excuse.
Whilst it worked for my daughter and I, I need to do more work on getting my footprints reunited with my feet! It’s proving tricky to get the ‘step mum’ to back off and wind her neck in! Although she is still acting like my daughter is her charge, and owns the place, I have reacted much better to her antics and not gotten angry as it only turns inwards and ends up making me ill. I realise this is hard but honestly it is one of the best things I’ve ever done. The anger was useless waste of valuable energy.
Focusing our energy on keeping a connection going with our child or children is the key. Even if our children are not with us we must stay positive. Negative energy and thoughts destroy us and they are loud and nasty. Push them out and allow the positive in. It takes energy but the energy we save from being angry and upset can be used in a better way. We must send out positive vibrations to our children and keep in touch as much as possible, even if the attempts seem to go ignored. One day the effort will pay off. We must mean it from the heart too.
Here are some links that may help with looking into energy work. Be careful with parting with money for courses but mind valley and udemy do courses with money back guarantee with no questions asked and often have great offers on.
There are a few courses on mind valley http://mindvalleyacademy.com I did the Carol Tuttle chakra7 course which gave me some great tips. But everyone is individual and what suits me may not suit you. See what takes you fancy.
https://www.udemy.com/courses/ Also have a great course by Brene Brown who’s lectures look at vulnerability and our relationship with ourselves.
Another fabulous course I’ve signed put to is again through Udemy is by Stella Grizont called The Science of Happiness.
I think when I went through what I did I didn’t want to be happy, I thought I was meant to angry and miserable, It was very painful and now it is less so when I do have a bad thought it is easier to deal with, plus I have great support. But being so angry, sad and stressed everyday made me very ill and it’s taken a long time to get back to anywhere near feeling like I used to.
Take as much time as you can to self care and look after yourself. Learn self compassion and self kindness and invite goodness and positivity into your life. Don’t push it away. Yes, we are vulnerable at that time but we can invite in exactly what we want and accept nothing less that what we deserve.
Get creative too. Scrap books, drawings/paintings, poems and writing are great for our souls and great keep sakes to give to children when the chance arises. Imagine having what you have made in your hands and giving it to you child in person. Visualisation is very powerful for manifesting reality.
Good luck ladies. Stay positive and maintain that link for however long it takes. Don’t give up.
Although for years I had wished myself out of the marriage and for my daughters father to start taking some responsibility, I didn’t anticipate what would happen. Her father wasn’t massively hands-on and did things to please himself, I guess like most fathers or at least the fathers I know. My daughter and I were together 24/7 except for when I was at work or asleep.
I did find it difficult being a mum, I didn’t take to it like a duck to water and struggled with health issues and lack of sleep, especially when I started working nights. I wasn’t the earth mum I thought I was going to and I was disappointed. I had no support and felt I should just battle on alone anyway.
I suffered a lot with my moods and negativity and depression for various reasons so I was no angel to live with but I did the best I could. Things deteriorated when our relationship broke down and I was living alone. My daughter never behaved for me and I struggled to get her to stay in bed, sleep on her own and just generally get things done. She could play me like a fiddle.
My ex and I were arguing about when we would have her and as I worked shifts I could only have her on my nights off. I worked a mixture of long days and nights so if I worked 2 longs days a week that would mean not having her 4 nights wrapped around those days. My ex and his girlfriend wanted continuity as well, something I couldn’t offer. He threatened me with social services and court if I didn’t comply to his requests. Requests fuelled by his girlfriends demands to have every other weekend off totally from child care. Something I could never do as I couldn’t dictate my shifts and worked at least one day most weekends.
Anyway, without all the boring gory details we went to court. I was exhausted from all the constant badgering and arguing and I didn’t have a solicitor. My ex had the most vicious solicitor ever and ultimately I lost out. I signed an agreement saying I would have my daughter every Wednesday and every other weekend. Four nights a fortnight. It took me a while to realise what I had done. Needless to say I was devastated.
Nearly 2 years later things have changed and the I know the decision was a good one for my daughter. She has a regular routine, a ‘step mum’ she loves and a good bond with her dad. However, it’s taken its toll on me. I have just about come to terms with it, just shy of 2 years later and am on a massive learning curve with regards to my life, my health and my future.
In my pursuit for peace I have come across many things but one that really struck a cord was chakra healing with Carol Tuttle. In one of her videos regarding the root chakra, she talks about a lady who asked her what to do about her relationship with her son who now had a step mum and seemed distant from her and the relationship between her son and his step mum seemed to be very close.
Carol told the lady that as parents we leave footprints in our child’s lives that will always be there and that the step mum was filling these foot prints with her own and overshadowing the mum’s roll in her child’s life.
She suggested that the mum visualise claiming the foot prints back by pushing the step mum off the prints and asking her to step out the role that was only hers. She also told the lady to imagine a thread between herself and her son that connected their energy, and also to send him love even when she wasn’t with him.
Now, for some this may sound too far out and touchy feely but for me it was like a ray of sunshine. The lady reported back to Carol after a few weeks and remarked on a dramatic improvement in the relationship she had with her son, that he had been ringing her more and seeing her more. It worked for me too. I decided to change the energy between myself and my daughter and instead of sulking because she didn’t seem to want me, I sent out love and positive energy to her. I used to push my daughter away hoping, stupidly, she would ask to see me. It was a terrible way to behave but I was really hurting, still no excuse.
Whilst it worked for my daughter and I, I need to do more work on getting my footprints reunited with my feet! It’s proving tricky to get the ‘step mum’ to back off and wind her neck in! Although she is still acting like my daughter is her charge, and owns the place, I have reacted much better to her antics and not gotten angry as it only turns inwards and ends up making me ill. I realise this is hard but honestly it is one of the best things I’ve ever done. The anger was useless waste of valuable energy.
Focusing our energy on keeping a connection going with our child or children is the key. Even if our children are not with us we must stay positive. Negative energy and thoughts destroy us and they are loud and nasty. Push them out and allow the positive in. It takes energy but the energy we save from being angry and upset can be used in a better way. We must send out positive vibrations to our children and keep in touch as much as possible, even if the attempts seem to go ignored. One day the effort will pay off. We must mean it from the heart too.
Here are some links that may help with looking into energy work. Be careful with parting with money for courses but mind valley and udemy do courses with money back guarantee with no questions asked and often have great offers on.
There are a few courses on mind valley http://mindvalleyacademy.com I did the Carol Tuttle chakra7 course which gave me some great tips. But everyone is individual and what suits me may not suit you. See what takes you fancy.
https://www.udemy.com/courses/ Also have a great course by Brene Brown who’s lectures look at vulnerability and our relationship with ourselves.
Another fabulous course I’ve signed put to is again through Udemy is by Stella Grizont called The Science of Happiness.
I think when I went through what I did I didn’t want to be happy, I thought I was meant to angry and miserable, It was very painful and now it is less so when I do have a bad thought it is easier to deal with, plus I have great support. But being so angry, sad and stressed everyday made me very ill and it’s taken a long time to get back to anywhere near feeling like I used to.
Take as much time as you can to self care and look after yourself. Learn self compassion and self kindness and invite goodness and positivity into your life. Don’t push it away. Yes, we are vulnerable at that time but we can invite in exactly what we want and accept nothing less that what we deserve.
Get creative too. Scrap books, drawings/paintings, poems and writing are great for our souls and great keep sakes to give to children when the chance arises. Imagine having what you have made in your hands and giving it to you child in person. Visualisation is very powerful for manifesting reality.
Good luck ladies. Stay positive and maintain that link for however long it takes. Don’t give up.
No comments:
Post a Comment