Loyalty

a strong feeling of support or allegiance.

plural noun: loyalties

"rows with in-laws are distressing because they cause divided loyalties"

synonyms:

allegiance, faithfulness, fidelity, obedience, fealty, adherence, homage, devotion, bond;

 

Over the years I have been a loyal friend and relative yet this has not been reciprocated. When someone is disloyal it is painful and upsetting and more character building ensues, which I’m a bit sick of tbh.

 

However, this time finding out someone you love has been disloyal hasn’t sent me to the bottle or becoming depressed. It has lead me to some soul searching and yet again as with this incidence, in a round about way, it will lead to the person in question being phased out of my life, which is what I wanted anyway. It could have happened with less hurtful ramifications though!

 

It has made me question my friendships and relationships and wonder if any of them are actually real. What exactly is a friend if they can be disloyal after all you’ve been through together? Trust is now also an issue but I think that is because the hurt and betrayal is still very acute. In time trust won’t be an issue in relationships if they haven’t given me any reason not to trust them.

 

When loyalty is tested it sends a person into a mad dive into the grieving process and for me a fast run through it which can last days not months.

 

Grieving what you thought you had. The loyalty and trust you put into that person. Tainting memories of the you and the person who has betrayed you. I found listening to music seems to spark memories of them and ignites pain and also looking at photos is very painful. 

 

Some people can forget about disloyalty but I cannot. I can forgive after time but never forget. I will draw a line under the relationship and move on. That’s the only way to cope with it for me. 

 

I have been increasingly choosey about friendship and the friendships I have made in the past have been put into question due to my gut feelings. However the people who have betrayed me have not shocked me but disappointed me but to be honest I would expect nothing less from them. 

 

If you have a friend in your life who you think would let you down or wouldn’t be surprised that they let you down or a relative then be very careful about the things you do for these people and what you tell them. Ironically, the 2 disloyal friends I was telling very intimate things to at a disastrous time in my life (that I told no-one else). That came back to bite me on the ass!! 

 

All 4 people who have betrayed me are the ones I have gone out of my way for and done the most for. oh the irony!! 

 

That does not mean I won’t do things for people anymore. I’ll just be more frugal with my time and energy!