It seems like days ago now but it was only yesterday afternoon. After feeling the same numbness all week, everyday felt the same. In the last 24 hours it seems everything has changed. Whilst arguing with myself what best to do to help myself and getting nowhere fast I decided that the money didn't matter and I needed to get better, fast.
Acupuncture had helped me before, many times so I thought 'what the hell, bugger the cost'. I decided that if I could get an appointment for the same day then it was meant to be. Normally you have to wait a couple of weeks to get in so I was worried that if they said there were no appointments I would feel even more hopeless. But I needn't have worried, they had an appointment that afternoon. Unfortunately it would mean calling in a favour for someone to pick my daughter up from school as my husband had an interview that afternoon and wouldn't be back until after school finished. Luckily managed to sort it out thankfully.
Talking to my acupuncturist, katie, was like opening the flood gates. I hadn't told a soul how I was feeling, my husband knew I was down but didn't know I was feeling suicidal. I told Katie everything. She understood me totally. My heart needed some help.
I've known Katie for years ever since I started going to her when I was very depressed whilst pregnant with my daughter. She brought me out of the depths of despair then and continued to help me after my daughter was born to help me through the first few months. Since then I have been back to see her when times are tough and I need a bit of TLC. There have been a few tough times over the years but she's always managed to get me through them.
Katie used moxa (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Moxibustion) on me and stuck lots of needles in me, which don't exactly hurt at all but give you a buzz where the needles goes in and it feels a little like cramp whilst the needle is in there. Most of the time the needles don't stay in but yesterday some were.
I don't know whether it is the acupuncture or the fact she understands me or a combination of the 2 but all I know is I feel something. Actually feel it inside. Like my heart has had a hug. I know it sounds crazy, weird even but I don't care, it's how I felt. How I'm still feeling.
I haven't felt anything for a long time other than anxiety, hurt and sadness mostly. It has been interspersed with some happy times and contentment but there is something about the negative feelings which seem to feel far worse and last longer.
I'm going back Monday for some more and Katie thinks hypnotherapy may be beneficial too. Modern medicine doesn't seem to be doing a decent job helping me out and I believe in alternative/complimentary medicine. If it makes me feel better then that's fine with me.
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