Having a loved one suffering form suicidal feelings can be distressing, exhausting both mentally and physically and confusing. If you have never experienced any kind of feelings like this it can be hard to understand and comprehend. Its difficult to describe these feelings to someone who has never experienced them.
From personal experience the feeling can be like a pit of blackness. A very dark and painful place. Suicidal feelings can lead to physical pains and feelings. A heaviness that is impossible to shake off. It's debilitating and robs us of all feelings other than feeling dreadful. It can leave a person unable to move and confined to bed. It can go hand in hand with physical illness and the two can be confused as to which came first.
Depending on the circumstances of your loved ones illness, depends on how to approach helping them. But generally speaking offering a supportive and caring environment is the least you have to do. Some people may find this a challenge as they fail to see where the suicidal loved one is coming from but all you need to do is not try to understand but offer a safe and supportive place where your loved one can feel sheltered from the outside world, which may be a very scary place when feeling so vulnerable.
Offer love and affection if they can cope with it but do not withhold it as a punishment because you lack understanding of the feelings. The same goes the other way, do not force affection on someone if they feeling vulnerable. You may think of course no one would do that but it has been known and can lead to further feelings of inadequacy and anger.
Encourage the sufferer to self care or help with their care. Wash, brush teeth, run them a bath, offer to wash their hair for them. This may seem as making the sufferer take on a child like role but when feeling utterly helpless the last thing they could be capable of is self care. Depression and suicidal feelings are part of an illness. If your loved one had cancer or a chronic physical illness you would do the same for them with a blink of the eye. Depression can be very physically debilitating and lack of self care can lead to further feelings of inadequacy.
Talk openly with your loved one. Encourage them to open up about their feelings. They may be painful for you to hear and cope with but you are in a greater position to deal with them than the sufferer. If you are finding it hard to deal with what you have been told then find an avenue of help. It could be writing a journal, counselling, talking to a confident or your GP. But be careful who you share your story to, you are very vulnerable as well and you need to find help in the right place but equally do not hold your feelings in. It can be very hurtful to yourself to allow that to happen.
Telling the sufferer how they are making you feel may help them realise that they need to get help and that you are suffering too, however, it may be a hard confession for them to deal with. Only you will be able to gage when is an appropriate time to share that you are suffering also. Therefore it may be more appropriate to seek counselling yourself rather than burden the sufferer even more.
Gently remind the sufferer of the good things in life. How much they are loved by their family and friends. But don't tell them they are selfish feeling the way they do for thinking of ending their own lives. It will only serve to make them feel worse. Reminding them they are loved isn't a ploy at 'snapping them out of it'. It's just to get them to see a little light in the darkness. But be aware it can make them feel even more guilty that they feel that way. It is a case of treating every situation and individual as unique.
Go to their appointments with them if they are having therapy. If they are happy for you to accompany them. You don't have to sit in the room with them as therapy is a very private and personal experience but if you have the time and they appreciate the sentiment, go with them.
The whole experience can be just as exhausting for you. So make sure you take care of yourself. Don't feel guilty about doing something for yourself. If your loved one is expressing that they want to hurt themselves then you cannot physically be there 24/7 to stop them doing what they feel compelled to do. You are the wall between them and the outcome but if they are determined they will do it anyway. You cannot take responsibility for that. They need professional help and maybe even hospitalisation. Be prepared that a hospital stay may be needed. It is nothing to be ashamed of. It could save your loved ones life.
If your loved one is obsessing over suicidal ideation then action needs to be taken. Encourage the person to seek help immediately as it is out of your realms of capability to ensure their safety. If you find them actively hurting themselves you can call emergency services or get them to the nearest emergency room as soon as possible.
Keeping objects of potential harm out the way can prevent a knee jerk reaction to hurting themselves but not always practical. With the best will in the world you cannot remove everything out of the way. If this is the case then they need to be in hospital on suicide watch. People can find ways to hurt themselves in the unlikeliest objects even if they are on suicide watch. If you find that you cannot cope with the situation anymore then seek help immediately before you become depressed yourself. It's quite possible you can suffer from reactionary depression due the stress and pressure you may feel under keeping everything together.
Just know that none of it is your fault and it's not your loved ones fault either. And suicidal feelings do not last. They may come and go but they don't last forever.
Do whatever you can to look after yourself and do not feel guilty about self care. It may only be needed for a short while. Have a massage or go out for coffee with a good friend, whatever it takes to make yourself feel good and better about the situation. It is your right be happy and healthy.
From personal experience the feeling can be like a pit of blackness. A very dark and painful place. Suicidal feelings can lead to physical pains and feelings. A heaviness that is impossible to shake off. It's debilitating and robs us of all feelings other than feeling dreadful. It can leave a person unable to move and confined to bed. It can go hand in hand with physical illness and the two can be confused as to which came first.
Depending on the circumstances of your loved ones illness, depends on how to approach helping them. But generally speaking offering a supportive and caring environment is the least you have to do. Some people may find this a challenge as they fail to see where the suicidal loved one is coming from but all you need to do is not try to understand but offer a safe and supportive place where your loved one can feel sheltered from the outside world, which may be a very scary place when feeling so vulnerable.
Offer love and affection if they can cope with it but do not withhold it as a punishment because you lack understanding of the feelings. The same goes the other way, do not force affection on someone if they feeling vulnerable. You may think of course no one would do that but it has been known and can lead to further feelings of inadequacy and anger.
Encourage the sufferer to self care or help with their care. Wash, brush teeth, run them a bath, offer to wash their hair for them. This may seem as making the sufferer take on a child like role but when feeling utterly helpless the last thing they could be capable of is self care. Depression and suicidal feelings are part of an illness. If your loved one had cancer or a chronic physical illness you would do the same for them with a blink of the eye. Depression can be very physically debilitating and lack of self care can lead to further feelings of inadequacy.
Talk openly with your loved one. Encourage them to open up about their feelings. They may be painful for you to hear and cope with but you are in a greater position to deal with them than the sufferer. If you are finding it hard to deal with what you have been told then find an avenue of help. It could be writing a journal, counselling, talking to a confident or your GP. But be careful who you share your story to, you are very vulnerable as well and you need to find help in the right place but equally do not hold your feelings in. It can be very hurtful to yourself to allow that to happen.
Telling the sufferer how they are making you feel may help them realise that they need to get help and that you are suffering too, however, it may be a hard confession for them to deal with. Only you will be able to gage when is an appropriate time to share that you are suffering also. Therefore it may be more appropriate to seek counselling yourself rather than burden the sufferer even more.
Gently remind the sufferer of the good things in life. How much they are loved by their family and friends. But don't tell them they are selfish feeling the way they do for thinking of ending their own lives. It will only serve to make them feel worse. Reminding them they are loved isn't a ploy at 'snapping them out of it'. It's just to get them to see a little light in the darkness. But be aware it can make them feel even more guilty that they feel that way. It is a case of treating every situation and individual as unique.
Go to their appointments with them if they are having therapy. If they are happy for you to accompany them. You don't have to sit in the room with them as therapy is a very private and personal experience but if you have the time and they appreciate the sentiment, go with them.
The whole experience can be just as exhausting for you. So make sure you take care of yourself. Don't feel guilty about doing something for yourself. If your loved one is expressing that they want to hurt themselves then you cannot physically be there 24/7 to stop them doing what they feel compelled to do. You are the wall between them and the outcome but if they are determined they will do it anyway. You cannot take responsibility for that. They need professional help and maybe even hospitalisation. Be prepared that a hospital stay may be needed. It is nothing to be ashamed of. It could save your loved ones life.
If your loved one is obsessing over suicidal ideation then action needs to be taken. Encourage the person to seek help immediately as it is out of your realms of capability to ensure their safety. If you find them actively hurting themselves you can call emergency services or get them to the nearest emergency room as soon as possible.
Keeping objects of potential harm out the way can prevent a knee jerk reaction to hurting themselves but not always practical. With the best will in the world you cannot remove everything out of the way. If this is the case then they need to be in hospital on suicide watch. People can find ways to hurt themselves in the unlikeliest objects even if they are on suicide watch. If you find that you cannot cope with the situation anymore then seek help immediately before you become depressed yourself. It's quite possible you can suffer from reactionary depression due the stress and pressure you may feel under keeping everything together.
Just know that none of it is your fault and it's not your loved ones fault either. And suicidal feelings do not last. They may come and go but they don't last forever.
Do whatever you can to look after yourself and do not feel guilty about self care. It may only be needed for a short while. Have a massage or go out for coffee with a good friend, whatever it takes to make yourself feel good and better about the situation. It is your right be happy and healthy.
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